Nancy J. Vavra, Attorney, Mediator and Counselor at Law

ATTORNEY and COUNSELOR AT LAW since 1986; concentrating in family law issues since 1995.

1. If you or your children are being physically abused or threatened with physical abuse by your spouse, you should contact the police and the family violence program nearest you. Call the infoline at 211 for information on a family violence program near to you. You should speak with an attorney or a family violence program staff person if your are worried that your spouse will become more violent when he or she learns that you are filing for divorce. Family violence program services include: emergency shelter, counseling, 24 hour hot lines, information, support groups, advocacy and referrals. You may qualify for a court order to help protect you from physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse. Do NOT ignore the situation.

2. The best way to locate a therapist is through word of mouth. Get a referral from someone you trust, like a friend, a pastor, or a social worker. You may also look in the yellow pages or online under any of these headings: Marriage, Counselors, Psychologists, Psychotherapists, or Social Workers. These professionals are also able to assist you while you are undergoing separation and divorce proceedings. It is important to prioritize your health and well being. Change is difficult. With professional support you may find that the transition is more manageable. Having such a “counselor” will benefit you in the long run and is not detrimental to a legal proceeding, but rather will often serve to better prepare you emotionally for the process of divorce.

3. When you hire an attorney, he/she becomes your legal representative. You remain responsible for the conduct of your divorce or other legal proceedings. Your lawyer works for you; it is your life and you must live with the consequences! Let your opinions and preferences be known to your attorney. Be an active participant in the process of your separation or divorce.

4. You can divorce a spouse, but you cannot divorce your child. Your conduct will ultimately reflect on your children. Make all necessary decisions with their welfare in mind. Divorce does not necessarily hurt children. However, open and ongoing hostilities between parents certainly does hurt children. Do what you must to acknowledge your anger and to move beyond it. You can choose not to fight and to negotiate from a position of strength and reason.

Suggested Written Materials:

“The Two Roads to Divorce,” written by Lenard Marlow

“Second Chances,” written by Judith S. Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee

“Surviving the Breakup,” written by Judith S. Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee